About eight months ago, Waverley was in an epic daddy phase. When given the option, she chose Nate approximately 99% of the time. She followed him around constantly yelling “daddeeeee, daddeeeee!” Considering I provided the majority of her care, I was less than pleased with her overwhelming affinity towards her father over me. I started to examine how I spent my time with her vs how Nate spent his time with her, and the difference was blaring. When Nate had solo time with her, he always planned something fun whether it was going swimming, out to brunch, or the children’s museum. I, on the other hand, always seemed to be toting her around on mundane errands or trying to have her keep herself occupied while I performed a million tasks at home. My most common sentence to her was most likely, “Just one second! Mama just has to finish these 12 tasks and then we can play.” Obviously she would gravitate towards her father when they got to play and have fun by participating in meaningful activities together.

Real life is tough. Trying to balance a never-ending to-do list of household chores and at-home work obligations often means not being able to give Waverley my undivided attention. I began to grow very cognizant of how we spent our time together and decided to make necessary changes in order to change our relationship for the better. After all, as an occupational therapist, I am fully aware of the link between participating in meaningful activities and increased quality of life. Not only does engagement in meaningful activities correlate with satisfaction with life, it also teaches valuable life skills all children need to learn. To promote Waverley’s and my mutual participation in meaningful activities, I needed to shift my mentality from Task Completion Sargent to Engaged Mama. Here are the tips I now incorporate in our weekly routine to ensure we have time for meaningful activities together:

• Schedule errands for one day. I started to arrange our schedule so we only run errands on one day/week. What did not get done simply did not get done and I would complete it the following week, or ask Nate to do it. Surprise! Husbands can help, too:)
• Plan at least one fun outing a week that is all about le babe. My favorite day of the week is now Friday because (aside from TGIF) we spend the morning at gymnastics class and then a coffee date with a friend. The morning is truly all about Waverley and it is so fun. She has a blast and we truly connect playing around in gymnastics.
• Pass on cooking huge feasts every night. I realized my afternoons were spent with a crying toddler at my feet, begging to be picked up, while I frantically attempted to make meals that were better suited for weekends. As soon as I let this faux necessity go, our afternoons became much more enjoyable. I found time to sit down and color or go on a walk with Waverley. Or, I simply make meals that are not so precious that Waverley can’t participate in prep.
• Put the phone and computer away. Multi-tasking is such a blessing and a curse. I felt constantly checking my email or grading papers in front of Waverley was sending the wrong message. When I am with her I want to be present and promote her self-efficacy by knowing I am there for her, that she is not an afterthought. When she told me that she was “just going to check her email real fast” I realized I needed to change my habits ASAP. Compartmentalizing time with her and time on electronics has helped me refocus our time together to engage in more meaningful activities.
• Incorporate a toddler into daily chores rather than cramming them all in during nap time. I used to try to complete a week’s worth of tasks into her nap time: cleaning, laundry, cooking, working out, connecting with friends, responding to students’ emails, and writing. It was impossible and I found myself stressed and resentful when she woke up from her nap. In order to save my sanity, as well as impress upon her the fact that food is not magically made and the house is not magically clean, I began to enlist her participation. She “helps” me fold laundry (usually by finding all of the socks) and cook. Mixing ingredients together is now her most favorite pastime and a special activity we can perform together. It makes my heart warm to witness the budding baker inside of her come out and I love teaching her my favorite hobby.
• Enlist outside help. You know the old adage “It takes a village”?? Well, it’s for real. I finally got to the point where I realized I needed help and I could not do it all on my own. It was a difficult realization at first, but now that I have a little assistance (in the form of a monthly house cleaner– hallelujah!) I am able to spend quality time with Waverley– or on myself, which is just as important– rather than cleaning the toilets. Win.

I now hope that Waverley will grow up with fond memories of us participating in meaningful activities together. I hope she’ll remember the feeling of having my attention and love, rather than being a nuisance standing in the way of me completing chores. Because, really, what is more important? A perfectly tidy house or an afternoon making chocolate chip cookies? I’ll take the latter, especially the fun memories we made as she cracked eggs all over the counter and tried her first chocolate chip straight from the bag.

I’d love to know, how do you participate in meaningful activities with your children?

Shop our looks: