The most worthwhile things in life require effort, dedication, and a thoughtful approach. Just like a marriage or any feat worthwhile, maintaining lifelong friendships is no exception to this rule (although they are seemingly effortless, like always picking up right where you left off). I am fortunate to have several lifelong friends at this point in my life. Although it may seem presumptuous to consider having lifelong friendships at the ripe age of 29, one of those friendships started at the age of three, one at twelve, and we’ve already seen each other through parents’ divorces, a death of a parent, eating disorders, depression, marriages, and everything in between. With the help of my favorite lifers, I compiled a list of tips to maintaining those truly meaningful and evolving friendships. Believe us, it’s worth it.
1. Love your friend for who they are, not just who they used to be. Like married couples, lifelong friends are going to see each other through different phases, personalities, and a whole lot of growth.
2. Respect that you’ll likely go through life events at different stages, i.e. marriage, babies, etc. Don’t let this get in the way because in another 10-20 years everyone may be on same page again. I seem to be several years behind in the game of life compared to my friend Bree; she got married, entered the (real) workforce, and had a baby before me. I’m glad she didn’t write me off when I was going through my (really ridiculous) single phase, my grad school phase, or (like right now) my childless phase. I know I’ll catch up eventually and, although I can’t relate to being up all night with a newborn, she doesn’t hold that against me.
3. Understand that your bestie has other friends she likely made in college, at work, etc. This doesn’t mean she loves you any less. We all create new friendships as we travel through life but the bonds of growing up together are strong.
4. If your friend pulls away when going through a rough time in life, freaking fight! Even if you spend a year or two texting and calling with no reply, don’t let your ego get in the way and stop putting in the effort. She’ll come around.
5. Political opinions and religious beliefs will likely change and may stray from the idealism you shared as wee babes. Don’t let these issues define your relationship.
6. Reminisce over old memories yet continue to develop new ones. If every gathering is a rehashing of high school, it’s time to plan a trip to create new memories or shift the conversation to present day in order to be involved in what’s going on now.
