The foundational tenant of occupational therapy is to promote independence in any activity– and as much independence as possible. This can mean different things to different people depending on their situation. It may look like getting dressed without another person in the room or feeding oneself half of the time with some assistance. An OT’s job is analyze the activity and the person’s abilities in order to promote the maximum level of independence possible.
When working in pediatrics, it is not uncommon at all for worried parents to bring their children in with concern for their abilities. “She’s five and she can’t dress herself,” or “He still can’t tie his shoelaces and he’s seven years-old,” or “She refuses to even try.” Sometimes these observations were truly due to an underlying developmental issue that was undiagnosed. However, I feel that more often than not, it was due to the child simply not having been exposed to opportunities to develop independence. Often times the child was fully capable of dressing himself, however simply needed 45 minutes to do so rather than the 10 minutes that was allowed. I usually felt awful (yet simultaneously relieved to not deliver more devastating news) to share this with the parents, because all of these parents had several things in common: they loved their child deeply and unconditionally, they had busy lives, and just didn’t know how early childhood development progressed. It’s easy to look at a chart and say, “Oh, my kid will dress him/herself independently by the time he/she is 4. Awesome!” But it’s important to remember what goes into those first four years to get to independent dressing. It doesn’t happen overnight and without time, intention, and work. So how does your child get there? Here are 5 tips to promote independence in your children:
1. Plan extra time. Sometimes this means starting the process an hour before you want to leave or getting up earlier in the morning. Living in a constant rush does not promote independence, though, when a parent is always “just doing it for them” out of the need to leave the house. Utilize extra time on the weekends or taking off clothes/putting on pajamas before bed if there is less of a time crunch. Figure out when it works for you and your family to build this time in so each child can work on their own routine.
2. Provide a plethora of opportunities. Promoting independence does not simply have to mean working on dressing or toileting. You can facilitate independence in your child by creating other opportunities for them to develop their autonomy, such as giving small tasks to complete in the kitchen (Waverley loves to stir), encouraging them to clean up their own messes, or carrying at least one of their items out of the car and into the house. This also includes providing time for independent play without hovering, which promotes self-exploration and autonomy. All of these opportunities add up to one important lesson: they are capable and able to do things independently, and this will translate to other areas of life as well.
3. Resist the urge to jump in. I realize not everyone has the patience of a therapist and can watch a child spend 45 minutes to don their socks and shoes. My patience certainly varies day by day and is often not as long winded with Waverley as it is with my patients. Still, I try to refrain from unnecessarily jumping in order to let her figure out how to do it. Sure, I’ll facilitate the orientation of pants but leave the rest up to her. It is important for them to work on their visual-motor skills by problem-solving issues that arise. Also, try to ask before jumping in by asking, “May I help you?” This is much less threatening than just reaching over and doing it, which implies they are not capable of doing the task.
4. Pick your priorities. Don’t expect perfection in every category right away. There are a lot of areas of life to work on for little ones and it can be overwhelming! Think of all of the tasks you complete each day which seem totally basic: eating, dressing, showering, toileting, self-care, reading, working with others, basic human respect. This is a lot for young children to master when they are learning every aspect of every skill. Choose just a few areas to work on at different times.
5. Adjust your expectations. Similar to gross motor milestones during infancy, reaching milestones of activities of daily living can be highly variable. Just because your 4 year-old niece is dressing herself completely independently does not mean your 4 year-old daughter is behind if she requires assistance. Let your child’s skills evolve without the pressure of comparison. Remember, children work on a different things at different times. For example, Waverley could not care less about potty training–and may be considered behind in this area– yet her verbal skills are very advanced. I know her other skills will catch up with time and I am trying to let her set the pace.
I am primarily referring to promoting independence with your child’s activities of daily living, as this is my area of expertise. However, this is an interesting article on how raising independent children can influence the rest of their lives. Do you have any other questions for “Ask an OT”? Please leave them in the comments or email me at lesleigh@pearlsonastring.com. Thanks for reading!
