A few months ago, I wrote about the importance of supporting one’s spouse. I think there’s an integral part of support that may have been left out of that post. Teamwork.

I feel as cliché as an HR manager lecturing about the same topic, yet lately Nate and I have realized just how vital this is to a relationship. Working together as a cohesive unit has been considerably more difficult since the babe has come along … yet even more important. Somehow the dynamic changed after her arrival: Moving to Alaska, taking a very long break from work, and being in mourning shifted the roles in our relationship. For a brief period of time our effortless ability to take on life as a twosome changed. I place a lot of this upon myself and how I reacted to motherhood and staying at home. I needed the order and routine a day job provides and attempted to cultivate that culture within the home, therefore became much like a manager who lacks delegation skills. I think it’s a really easy trap for families to fall into when children come around because, based solely on my anecdotal observations, one person usually bears more than the other. One person’s life may change significantly more than another’s. It’s a breeding ground for resentment.

I caught a glimpse of the future, which looked more like me vs him rather than us vs the world.

When we were in Hawaii we caught ourselves drifting into that individual sport mentality and quickly had to snap out of it. We reminded each other that we always have the same goal in mind, whether it’s finding our way to a restaurant in a foreign city or saving for retirement. It shouldn’t be husband vs wife and I can see how a journey down that road leads to nowhere except bickering and loneliness. It shouldn’t be “my wife won’t let me” or “my husband says I can’t”. It should be based on mutually agreed upon decisions centered on what is best for the family, which is (I believe!) achieved via teamwork and not placing blame. Since our reawakening we’ve returned to the seamless duo we once were and continue to discuss the importance of teamwork. It’s our catch phrase as of late. Sometimes, we all need a little reminder.

Just remember, we’re all on the same team: moms, dads, partners, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends. People.