I’m really excited to bring back Marriage Mondays! Thank you to those that asked where it went and joggled my memory. I guess I was so focused on how I’ve changed and reacted to having a baby I kind of forget to mention how it changes a relationship. The truth is, my husband and I are still trying to figure this out. It is certainly a work in progress as we went from two gainfully employed professionals living in an urban setting who worked a lot, traveled a lot, and went out with friends a lot to a single-income family living in an isolated state. With so much change it is difficult to pinpoint what is caused by what. But, to answer a question I received: how has our relationship changed since the baby came along? Well, as I mentioned in this post, I’ve fallen more in love with my husband than ever after our daughter was born. Actually, make that from the moment we found out I was pregnant. Watching him carefully pick out an outfit for Waverley, watch videos of her before bed, tie a headband with the utmost precision, and immediately crawl on the floor to play with her after work are sweet moments I wish I could jar. Remembering how he attentively and selflessly cared for me after the (pretty brutal) birth is enough to make me want another baby STAT. (But I don’t really, so don’t worry.) I feel we’ve grown much closer from going through her birth together and sharing in all of the disgusting bodily fluids that run rampant, being in the trenches of her newborn months together, and even listening to her scream at restaurants together. We work together better as a cohesive unit, wordlessly knowing what needs to be done and doing it. We’ve grown more patient, appreciate our time together more, and generally have a greater respect for one another due to our new role as parents. (He added that he also enjoys my giant nursing boobs. So there’s that.)

However, I have to be honest: it’s not all gushing love and serene family moments. Since I’m staying at home at the moment and still breast feeding, the majority of child care falls on my shoulders (even on the weekends) which can easily breed resentment. I think it’s a rather vicious cycle of me just being used to doing things alone and, from chatting with other moms, it sounds like that is pretty usual. (Feel free to disagree and tell me why.) Our relationship has changed because I’ve changed. One cannot possibly go through labor, delivery, and the newborn months without being changed to the core. The sleep deprivation alone is enough to ignite an entirely new personality…especially when one person bears the brunt of it. Also, as I mentioned in this post, going from a working individual to unemployment can cause a bit of an identity crisis. Nate and I used to spend much of our evenings discussing the rare diagnoses we treated that day or the new Medicare rule that was driving us bonkers but now, he talks and I listen. I don’t have much to contribute to that conversation anymore. That’s a change. I also think we both hold each other to higher standards now. I’ve never had much patience for tardiness or poor time management skills and now I am even less understanding. My lax spending habits are now on a narrower watch as there’s much more to consider (e.g., saving for Waverley’s college…yikes). We both expect each other to be our best selves. It’s kind of exhausting.

We are still so new in this that I have zero advice quite yet. Instead, I’m really into hearing your advice, your stories, and how you think your relationship has changed because of new additions. Please share. We’re all in this together!