I love working out next to someone who is yapping on the phone. What, you don’t? Odd.

Okay, confession: I do not actually enjoy that either. In truth, I consider it quite rude thus it is this week’s etiquette topic. Gym etiquette is an especially heated subject during the early months of each year as inexperienced folks invade local gyms in swarms.

First: Props to anyone trying to make a positive difference in their life by starting to exercise, especially those who are still going strong by mid-February.

Second: Let’s all remember a few guidelines to ensure a peaceful workout environment for everyone (and prevent me from finally losing it on said individual garnering props). I talked to some gals who work out all the time and together we’ve compiled a list of the Top Ten Gym Faux Pas:

10. Failure to wipe down equipment after use. It’s just gross.
9. Hoarding free weights during your circuit. Are people really expected to wait 30 minutes to grab 10 lb dumbbells?
8. Invading personal space. This is punishable with an elbow to a head according to my sister.
7. Listening to music so loud that people can hear it through your headphones. Especially if you are a large male listening to “You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman”. This. Actually. Happened.
6. Watching movies/TV without using headphones. As if we all want to watch Real Housewives.
5. Hacking up a lung on one minute intervals. Please, stay home if you are that sick.
4. Dousing yourself in perfume prior to coming to the gym. That CK One cloud is making me gag.
3. Bringing young children near equipment. Their little hands near heavy machines = imminent disaster. (Did I mention I am a pediatric occupational therapist? Here is my card.)
2. Not asking anyone and then changing the TV channel. What if watching Friday Night Lights is my only motivation to finish and without this show my legs will literally stop moving?
1. Talking on your cellphone. I would rather not hear about your gynecologist appointment from that morning.

This unbearable list, of which I encounter at least one offense daily, makes me wish I either had my own private gym or lived in Northern Virginia so I could take private Pilates lessons from former professional ballerina Alexandra Buss. Perhaps then I could look like this and also design clothes for lululemon:

Sigh. Back to the gym I go.

Any other gym faux pas that were left off the list? Do tell.