In hindsight, it was evident from the near-beginning. My pants grew tighter sooner than I predicted. I needed bigger tops almost immediately. The questions slowly began trickling in, then quickly picked up frequency: Are you having twins? You must be due any minute now! How big is that baby? Etc, etc, etc. (I won’t reiterate how rude people can be when you’re expecting!) Yet I didn’t know how truly big Waverley was destined to be. I didn’t know I’d need an emergency cesarean because she was so big. I didn’t know to not bother with newborn clothes because she could not fit in them and went straight into zero-three months size. But what I really didn’t know and wasn’t prepared for was the onslaught of comments from everyone, from friends to strangers, about how big she is. It seems, impossibly, that it’s happening more and more.
When Waverley was a newborn, I guiltily wished she was smaller so I could enjoy the tiny baby phase for a little bit longer. After working in the NICU I knew this was a horrible thought since so many parents would give anything for just an extra few ounces. Nate and I grew accustomed to her size and couldn’t imagine her being any different. She was and is, to us, perfection.
She is now a 16 month-old filling out 2T clothes. I don’t even see this as an issue considering she is completely healthy and always has been. She has two tall parents who could not be described as dainty. However…the looks and comments are beginning to trickle in. For example, upon receiving a sticker from Target and failing to respond with a “Thank you for my sticker. My name is Waverley.”, the clerk immediately asked what is wrong with her and assumed she “must be shy.” As I reminded Waverley to say thank you via signing, the clerk assumed Waverley is hard of hearing. Finally, I said no, she is just 16 months-old. Oh. I also overhear the comments and feel the looks regarding her crawling. True, most two year-old children can walk. Waverley, late to the crawling game and on track to be average in the walking game, still crawls in any environment. The coffee shop, in the snow, down the hallways of our hotel in Hawaii. It doesn’t bother me, so I am not sure why it bothers other people that this Baby/Toddler Hybrid is not yet ambulating as well as they assume she should be.
This is not new. Other women in my family have also yielded larger babies. One may wonder if we’re creating an epic co-ed Rugby team! My sister and sister-in-law have both been questioned about their children’s behavior due to size disparities. It’s hard to be a three year-old when looking like a five year-old. People do not understand a three year-old’s grocery store meltdown coming from a five year-old-looking body. Strangers have amazingly possessed the audacity to question their mothering skills, or even worse, dictate what to do: You should really teach your 3/4/5/6/7 year-old how to behave. In case you are wondering, these two larger-than-their-age fellas are two extremely well-behaved boys. In fact, the four year-old has better manners than most adults. However, these occurrences pail in comparison to the stories that the parents of my former patients would tell me. Isn’t he a little old for a stroller? What’s wrong with your kid? Why can’t he walk? What’s that tube for? Are people for real! It’s a wheelchair.
Sheeeeeeesh.
Waverley has a round, protruding, silly belly. She loves to show it off. She loves to pull up her sweatshirt and point to her belly button while looking at whomever she is showing it to, waiting for their admiration. She is quite proud of her mid-section and I take every opportunity she provides to smother it in kisses. Yet, here is the word big again: People say, what a big belly! That’s such a big belly! You’re so big! I say: What a precious belly! You have the sweetest belly! You are so smart! When you hear something enough, you’ll start to believe it. I don’t want Waverley growing up feeling uncomfortable in her skin because she feels big. I want her knowing she is more than her size and being “bigger” doesn’t define her. Who knows, maybe she’ll completely taper off into 50% land. Or, maybe she’ll continue on her current trajectory and own the 2028 Olympic Games à la Missy Franklin. Either way is fine with me.
My raging point, in case it hasn’t been evident, is to not judge other people’s children. Do not make comments to parents with tiny bits of information. I cannot control Waverley’s size as much as another parent cannot control the irritating pitch of their toddler’s voice. Girls have it tough; avoid calling them “big” three times in five seconds.
We are all doing the best we can. Right?
My boys were over 9 and 10lbs at birth. Giants vcompared to the other babies there. Tiny to me, though. I, too, never got to use the newborn stuff and had really big toddlers. My oldest tapered off and is now actually smaller than most kids in his grade. My younger son is still big – just a couple of pounds and inches behind his brother who is two years older. I totally get what you are saying. My younger son is big for his age and people comment. And we went through the same questioning like. I have a friend whose three year old daughter is really tall, and she speaks well for three. Sadly people expect her to act like she’s six. All kids are different. And you’d think by now that the world would have figured out you can’t judge them by their looks. Your daughter is isnt “big” like they say. She’s just right.
My oldest son was 9 lbs 3 ounces at birth and now at age 6 is already 4 feet 5 inches and 95 lbs. My youngest son at birth was 13 lbs 3.3 ounces 22.5 inches long and fit 6 month clothes and size 2 diapers. The hospital had nothing that fit him. I had a completely normal and healthy pregnancy no diabetes. He was born 2 weeks early with under develooed lungs and spent 5 days in the NICU before he was able to come home. We had people ask us what happened to the “other baby” assuming I was pregnant with twins and one did not make it. It was unbelievablly rude that anyone thought that was ok to ask. My daughter is in the 5th percentile for height and 20th for weight so we have to deal with the constant asking of why she is so small. People all need to think before they speak. Especially since these kids do hear these things and wonder what is wrong with them….